Does this make me a bad woman?

Love is not only about flowers, hearts and happy endings. The same, in my view, is about being a woman. You can’t expect that a woman is just nice, polite and accomodating all the time. So, when a woman acts differently and does something unacceptable for social norms, does this make her a bad woman?

You can ask yourself the same question when you’re a man. For women, however, due to social and religious context it is uneasy to express yourself when it comes to your body, sex and things you like, without falling under a “fallen woman” metaphor.

Women still feel a lot of shame when it comes to their bodies, their orgasms and fantasies.

How can I be authentic without getting judged?

I asked myself this question many times. This is a power question for every woman. Religion and socio-cultural norms have created a picture of a submissive woman – the biblical Eve. The woman who says “yes” to whatever her partner wishes. Putting herself as the one below him. Also in the marital bed.

Being authentic means being yourself. These two are tied in. Connected. You can’t be authentic if you are not living your true self.

The religion and spiritual movements taught us that body is evil and lust is a sin. We read in the books that physical realm is a punishment and a source of our suffering and in order to be “saved” we need to rise in spirituality. This meant punishing the body. Being modest with physical pleasures of this material world like tasting, seeing, touching, smelling. Religion proclaimed the importance of salvation, which is a future-looking approach.

How about the values of the mythological Dionisos? How about taking pleasure in our bodies? How about expressing our sexuality the way we feel like? How about accepting our Lilith-side of the dark feminine?

Men, historically, were not punished for having many women, apart from their wives. Women, in turn, suffered tremendously and were called “whores” for sleeping with someone else than their husband. A good example is “Anna Karenina” a novel by Lev Tolstoy. She fell in love with captain Vronsky and decided to go for it. Fully. To give herself to the passion. What happened next? She was cursed. She was laughed at. She was ridiculed and shamed.

But still, she lived an authentic life. Expressing her wishes and desires and going after them. She was a corageous woman who risked her social position and decided to go after her feelings.

Does this make you or me a bad woman?

Womanhood is not about flowers and being nice. Womanhood entails accepting the mythological Lilith within us. The lust, the passion, the sexual fantasies. These feelings want to be expressed and lived.

These feelings knock on our doors to let us know that it’s high time we live our authentic life and that we allow ourselves to experience whatever we wish for.

Be it 4 orgasms in a row or a passionate encounter.

“Bad” is just a descriptor ingrained in morality. What is morality then? Who gives us the rules? Who makes them? Is it God? Is it men? Is it the society?

Who dares to say that hiding your true-self is moral?

Who dares to say that expressing your sexuality is immoral?

Who are we to even impose such rules on one another?